Out of love I made you a cake. Also out of milk, eggs, flour, sugar, and vanilla. - Jarod Kintz

Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because I pray to God He’ll deliver pestilence and plague to the residents next door. I even tell God the exact address, as if He can’t read my heart. But it’s not for His benefit, it’s for my neighbors’.

Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a word I’m not saying.

Your personal brand should be like water: not only clear, but transparent to the public. People thirst for that, and they will drink you up.