covert contracts and caretaking only lead to frustration and resentment. - Robert A. Glover

"Do you make cutting remarks or hurtful "jokes"? •​Do you embarrass them in public? •​Are you frequently late? •​Do you "forget" things they've asked you to do? •​Do you criticize them? •​Do you withdraw from them or threaten to leave? •​Do you let frustration build until you blow up at them? Ask the significant others in your life to give you feedback about your caretaking and emotional pukes. This information may be hard to hear and may trigger a shame attack, but it is important information for breaking out of the victim triangle."

Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one’s self. An integrated man is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his courage, and his passion, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, and his dark side.

"As they become aware of how much time and energy they spend trying to garner approval, they can begin living an inside-out kind of life. This means, rather than focusing outward for acceptance and approval, they turn inward. In doing so, they can begin asking themselves the important questions: "What do I want," "What feels right to me," "What would make me happy?