Spain is 4/5ths pain and 1/5th S. I drank that fifth, and I loved S. - Jarod Kintz

The moon is an orbital albino, and it gets tons of sunlight, so I propose Operation Sunscreen, where astronauts coat the surface of the moon with a protective layer of sunscreen. If you care about albinos and the environment, you’ll see this is a good idea. And hey, it’s a better use of taxpayer funds than bailing out private banks.

I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips.

I floated like driftwood in the ocean. I wasn’t worried about sharks, because my bathtub is much too shallow.