What a doctor I’ve got — he’s really mixed up. Last week, h… - Rodney Dangerfield

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What a doctor I’ve got — he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Rodney Dangerfield

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About Rodney Dangerfield

Jack Roy (born Jacob Rodney Cohen; November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author. He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.

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Also Known As

Birth Name: Jacob Cohen

Alternative Names: Jacob Rodney Cohen • Jack Roy

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Emo Philips David Sedaris Steven Wright Jay London Mickey Spillane

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In my life I’ve been through plenty. When I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

I told my doctor, “Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror, I want to throw up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.

What a doctor I’ve got — he’s really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then he hit me in the balls with a hammer. - Rodney Dangerfield

About Rodney Dangerfield

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Additional quotes by Rodney Dangerfield