Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

When I was a kid, I got no respect. I told my mother I’m gonna run away from home. She said, “On your mark…

When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me... and no one showed up.

I tell ya, my wife is never nice. She won a trip to Las Vegas for two. She went twice.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."

f a group of guys are hanging around and one guy is doing coke, he’ll say, ‘Take a hit. You’ll feel like a new man.’ He’s right; the problem is that once you feel like a new man, that new man wants a hit so he can feel like a new man. And that goes on and on until the coke runs out, and you’re broke.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.