Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.

There goes the neighborhood.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I told my doctor, “I think my wife has VD.” He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

The killers are wanted in all 50 states.

A belly button is good for only one thing: when you’re lying in bed eating celery, it’s a place to put the salt.

I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

I tell ya, my wife’s a lousy cook. After dinner, I don’t brush my teeth. I count them.

Marriage...it's not a word, it's a sentence.

When I was a kid, I got no respect. I told my mother I’m gonna run away from home. She said, “On your mark…

I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. There was nobody home.

My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.

"Когато бях отвлечен като дете моите похитители изпратиха писмо на родителите ми "Платете 5000 долара или ви го връщаме