I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again. - Rodney Dangerfield

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs
I say, 'no.

f a group of guys are hanging around and one guy is doing coke, he’ll say, ‘Take a hit. You’ll feel like a new man.’ He’s right; the problem is that once you feel like a new man, that new man wants a hit so he can feel like a new man. And that goes on and on until the coke runs out, and you’re broke.

I tell ya, my wife is never nice. She won a trip to Las Vegas for two. She went twice.