My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, do… - Mitch Hedberg

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My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see. - Live at the 40 Watt Club, Athens, Georgia, April 9, 2002

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

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Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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I saw a sheet lying on the floor, it must have been a ghost that had passed out... So I kicked it.

(to audience) I like the way this is situated here. It seems like you guys were chasing me, closing in, and then said "fuck it...let's sit down".

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.

My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me wal… - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

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Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg