This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or reading. - Jarod Kintz

Leave me with my leftover meatloaf and my Yesterday Sandwich. I’ll be in love tomorrow, if you come back with the ketchup.

I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said she wouldn’t give me all her love, she said nothing about not wanting to give me some of her love.

Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.