Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies. - Jarod Kintz

The moon is an orbital albino, and it gets tons of sunlight, so I propose Operation Sunscreen, where astronauts coat the surface of the moon with a protective layer of sunscreen. If you care about albinos and the environment, you’ll see this is a good idea. And hey, it’s a better use of taxpayer funds than bailing out private banks.

I chased the chaste, and they got scared and scurried. Then I stood still and loved where I was at, and all approached without fear of reproach.

Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat — it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese.