I want to be an actor. I’ve already started taking steps. Yesterday I applied to be a waiter. - Jarod Kintz

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman.

Everyone’s different, and in that way everyone’s the same. Stand out by sitting down. Try my love seat — it’s made for two people, so you can be comfortably obese.

If there are two clones, one good and one evil, I can’t kill on sight alone. It’s the same with love. Some love hurts, and some love elevates, but as to which one is which, they are two sides to the same sandwich.