I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before. - Jarod Kintz

Smiling is the way the soul says hello. Obviously a frown means goodbye. Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s what my soul is saying right now.

I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd — an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.

My handshake is as firm as cooked spaghetti. So, do you prefer your introductions with Alfredo or marinara sauce?