We've known about the transcendent power of solitude for centuries; it's only recently that we've forgotten it. - Susan Cain

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal — the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual — the kind who’s comfortable “putting himself out there.

as Jazaieri observes, “There’s no empirical evidence to suggest that beating ourselves up will actually help us change our behavior; in fact, some data suggests that this type of criticism can move us away from our goals rather than towards them.” Conversely, the more gently we speak to ourselves, the more we’ll do the same for others. So the next time you hear that harsh internal voice, pause, take a breath — and try again. Speak to yourself with the same tenderness you’d extend to a beloved child — literally using the same terms of endearment and amount of reassurance that you’d shower on an adorable three-year-old.

Yet today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable.