It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food. - Jarod Kintz

A brick makes an excellent window cleaner, if you throw it hard enough. Before you know it, your window will look so clean you’d think it had been replaced with a new one.

When I’m feeling down, I make myself a big bowl of Up Soup. The bowl only looks empty, but in reality it’s full of hope. Grab a spoon, there’s plenty for both of us.

Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offering meatloaf.