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" "Everyone has a unique story. […]
Learning these stories will inevitably enrich your life. It might even lengthen it. Curiosity, it turns out, is conducive to health and happiness, as scores of social scientists have documented. Curious people, not surprisingly, are likely to learn more and to retain more of what they learn. Curious people are likely to be more attractive to others, as people are attracted to those who seem interested in them. Curiosity also leads to empathy, an emotion that seems in short supply today. Curious people are likely to be healthier, and to experience less anxiety in particular, because they see new situations as an opportunity to learn rather than an opportunity to realize that they don’t know enough. Curious people are also, according to some studies, likely to live longer, presumably because they are more engaged with the world around them.
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Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is a good way to get unstuck. It is a way to get past disagreement to form some consensus, as in, “Couldn’t we at least agree?” It’s also a way to get started even when you’re not entirely sure where you will finish, as in: “Couldn’t we at least begin?” No matter its specific form, asking questions that begin with “Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is the way to make progress.
Wait, what?” is first on my list of essential questions because it is an effective way of asking for clarification, and clarification is the first step toward truly understanding something — whether it is an idea, an opinion, a belief, or a business proposal. (It’s probably not a good idea to ask this question in response to a marriage proposal. Just saying.)
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All of which is to say that how you help matters just as much as that you do help, which is why it is essential to begin by asking, “How can I help?” If you start with this question, you are asking, with humility, for direction. You are recognizing that others are experts in their own lives, and you are affording them the opportunity to remain in charge, even if you are providing some help.