More than any of his colleagues, Justice Stevens tended to break open the case by asking lawyers the question at the center of their case, one they h… - James E. Ryan

As parents (and teachers), you try to help solve problems, both big and small. Very often, you think you know what the solution is, so you offer your idea — or a whole slew of ideas. Yet sometimes offering solutions simply fuels the anxiety or stubbornness that your kids or students are feeling, just as occurred with the boy in ski school. If you instead listen patiently and silently to their concerns and complaints, and then ask how you can help, it changes the conversation. It usually causes my own kids to pause. They think about whether I can actually help them and, if so, how. More often than not, they eventually tell me that I can’t really do anything. But in saying this they are already starting to figure out the problem for themselves. What they most needed to do was vent, get some sympathy, and figure out a solution for themselves.

Couldn’t we at least talk it through, and talk about what it would mean for our family?

Too often we fail to pause for clarification, thinking that we understand something before we do. In doing so, we miss the opportunity to grasp the full significance of an idea, an assertion, or an event. Asking “Wait, what?” is a good way to capture, rather than miss, those opportunities.