Counselor, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could ask you to clarify a point. - James E. Ryan

All of which is to say that how you help matters just as much as that you do help, which is why it is essential to begin by asking, “How can I help?” If you start with this question, you are asking, with humility, for direction. You are recognizing that others are experts in their own lives, and you are affording them the opportunity to remain in charge, even if you are providing some help.

Too often we decide very early whether we agree or disagree with someone or with an idea, without making an effort to truly understand the person or the point. Our public conversations, and especially conversations on social media, often seem like exercises in picking sides and choosing teams. We hear or read something, make a quick call, then dismiss those with whom we disagree as ignorant or evil.

In sum, the question “I wonder why?” is essential because it is at the heart of curiosity, and asking this question is the way to remain interested in the world around you, including your place in it.