When recovering Nice Guys decide they will no longer settle for anything less than good sex, they begin to take responsibility for doing something di… - Robert A. Glover

"Breaking Free Activity #39 Consider going on a sexual moratorium. Consciously refrain from sex for a predetermined period of time. No matter what your sexual situation is, it can be a powerful learning experience. Most guys initially resist the idea, but once they make the decision to do it, they find it to be a very positive experience. A sexual moratorium can have many benefits: •​Helps break dysfunction cycles. •​Eliminates pursuing and distancing. •​Releases resentment. •​Allows the Nice Guy to see that he can live without sex. •​Helps the Nice Guy realize that no one else but him holds the key to his sexual experience. •​Helps the Nice Guy see how he settles for bad sex. •​Eliminates fear that the Nice Guy's partner can withhold sex or approval. •​Helps the Nice Guy pay attention to the meaning of sexual impulses. Whenever the Nice Guy feels the impulse to be sexual, he can automatically ask himself, "Why am I feeling sexual?" •​Helps break addictive patterns by eliminating compulsive masturbation, pornography, and other addictive behaviors. •​Helps the Nice Guy begin to address feelings he has been avoiding with sex. Before beginning a sexual moratorium, discuss it with your partner. It helps to set a specific time. I suggest three to six months. It can be done. Decide on the parameters of the moratorium. Once you have begun, pay attention to slips and sabotaging behaviors, from both you and your partner. Remember, it is a learning experience. You don't have to do it perfectly."

In time, they also learn that boundary setting isn’t about getting other people to be different. It’s about getting themselves to be different. If someone is crossing their boundary, it isn’t the other person’s problem; it is theirs.

"Do you make cutting remarks or hurtful "jokes"? •​Do you embarrass them in public? •​Are you frequently late? •​Do you "forget" things they've asked you to do? •​Do you criticize them? •​Do you withdraw from them or threaten to leave? •​Do you let frustration build until you blow up at them? Ask the significant others in your life to give you feedback about your caretaking and emotional pukes. This information may be hard to hear and may trigger a shame attack, but it is important information for breaking out of the victim triangle."