Writing can be (among other things), a safety valve. (1949) - Wide Sargasso Sea

the search for illusion a craving, almost a vice, the stolen waters and the bread eaten in secret of [her] life. ("Illusion")

One shuts one's eyes and sees it written: red letters on a black ground:
Le Saut dans l'Inconnu. . . . Le Saut...
Stupidly I think: But why in French? Of course it must be a phrase I have read somewhere. Idiotic. I screw up my eyes wildly to get rid of it: next moment it is back again. Red letters on a black ground. One lies staring at the exact shape of the S.

The last time you were happy about nothing; the first time you were afraid about nothing. Which came first? (chapter 12)