If you come across any special trait of meanness or stupidity . . . you must be careful not to let it annoy or distress you, but to look upon it mere… - Robert Greene

Our successes and failures in life can be traced to how well or how badly we deal with the inevitable conflicts that confront us in society.

Life is harsh and people competitive. We naturally must look after our own interests. We also want to feel that we are independent, doing our own bidding. That is why when others try to persuade or change us, we become defensive and resistant. To give in challenges our need to feel autonomous. That is why to get people to move from their defensive positions you must always make it seem like what they are doing is of their own free will. Creating a feeling of mutual warmth helps soften people’s resistance and makes them want to help. Never attack people for their beliefs or make them feel insecure about their intelligence or goodness—that will only strengthen their defensiveness and make your task impossible. Make them feel that by doing what you want they are being noble and altruistic—the ultimate lure. Learn to tame your own stubborn nature and free your mind from its defensive and closed positions, unleashing your creative powers.

To follow precisely the lead of others or advice from a book is self-defeating.