Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium. - Nigel Blackwell

When I'm pining for a cigarette, I think of all the free ones that I'd get, if I killed myself and came back as a beagle, WOOF!

Car crime's low, the gun crime's lower,
The town hall band CD, it's a grower,
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce,
Although there was a drive-by shouting once,
But there's a brass band everywhere,
And I don't drive so I don't care, And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square,
What's Chatteris if you're not there?

No frills, handy for the hills, that's the way you spell New Mills.