It was so frightening. It was not easy for me

I got stuck in a toilet.

We were really put in very extreme situations, crawling through very tight tunnels, i've had my butt stuck, I've had my head stuck and it's a challenge not to panic -- but also, you learn a lot about yourself and inner strength in those conditions.

An event is traumatizing, or retraumatizing, only if it renders one diminished, which is to say psychically (or physically) more limited than before in a way that persists. (p37)

The fear which I had, the stigma which I had was that wherever I could come back, I was not be free with the community. I know my children were traumatized because one of my eldest daughters asked me, of all places, why did you go to the other side? I explained to her and said you know we want peace for the grandmothers, the grandfathers, they have got to be alright and there is no problem so she understood.

I find this varies considerably from near-death experience to near-death experience. For example, having a wandering loonie break down the door of my game store to look for women was so funny the entire concussion and pools of blood thing was a minor footnote. Being sucked out into the Atlantic by an undertow was deeply irritating. Having a snowba[n]k collapse on me was alarming because of the claustrophobia issue. The car wreck was over almost before I had time to realise what was happening.

I crawled. I could not speak or see Save dimly. The ice glared like fire, A long bright Hell of choking cold, And each vein was a tautened wire, Throbbing with torture — and I crawled. My hands were wounds. So I attained The second Hell.

It required me to suffer. It compelled me to reach.

I went into the bushes to do a number two… I thought I had finished, but I could still feel something there so I used some leaves to wipe my bottom and there it was – a giant worm sticking out of my bottom! I screamed and started running with the worm dangling behind me… I stood there crying with my pants down, dress up and worm sticking out.

Oh, it was awful, and I vowed to myself I would never, ever push myself to the edge that much again. It was really frightening. Because absolutely everything seemed to be impossible to deal with, just little things became major - noise, if someone had a radio on, or even the sound of traffic, or being in someone's company for longer than 10 minutes - I started to find it all too much.

You must have been traumatized beyond fucking belief

Vashti was seized with the terrors of direct experience. She shrank back into the room, and the wall closed up again.

That scared the buhjeezus outta me!

This was the most difficult, the most extraordinary transition. Her body had been a source of shame and disgust; to engage in activities with no purpose at all except to revel in their sheer physicality had first nauseated, then terrified, and finally liberated her.