I just stepped in shit, and now I’ve got political rhetoric all over my shoes. - Jarod Kintz

There’s nothing I like better than a beautiful sunset. Except maybe a gorgeous sunrise. And a naked woman painted pink and orange floating through the sky.

A tornado is the ultimate coffee grinder. Just add water, and you’ll wake the whole trailer park.

"The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you." "Oh my God," I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me.