I collect collectivisms. I’ve already got socialism and communism, and all I need is fascism to complete the set. I’m looking to trade my dusty democ… - Jarod Kintz

Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three thermoses to contain it. And if it did get contained, would you drink my love black, or would you add cream and sugar?

When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets while riding a motorcycle and having a woman embrace him tightly from behind. Maybe I’m cynical now, but I’m starting to think love is a unicycle with a flat tire.

When you’re embarrassed, you turn red. When I blush, I turn plaid. I network at kilt conventions, so even if I say something awkward I still look cool.