I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried. It never kicked in, I took it back to the store and said "Bullshit!" - Mitch Hedberg

We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes. You know what sweeten means, right? That’s a showbiz term for "add sugar to".

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on four billion!... Fuck! Seven. Not even close. I need some more dice. Four billion divided by six... At least. Snake eyes!" I just said "snake eyes." That's a gambling term. Or it's a animal term too.

Hey, this joke's on the first CD, but I added a new line so I can't fuckin’ rob you of this one: I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow shit. I said “C’mon, what about some celery? You fuckers don’t farm. Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen." That's... That's the part that's not on the old CD.