[On looters stealing VCR's] Why are you stealing a VCR? The… - Daniel Tosh

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[On looters stealing VCR's] Why are you stealing a VCR? They don't even make VHS tapes anymore! I'd steal a TiVo...but I don't, because I'm rich, and I've had one for three years. I would say four years, but that won't make the joke any funnier. You tell people, "I've had a TiVo for four years," and they're all like, "Who's the dick?"

Daniel Tosh

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About Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh (born 29 May 1975) is an American comedian.

Also Known As

Birth Name: Daniel Dwight Tosh

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Originators like Daniel Tosh:

Tina Fey Maddox George Carlin David Sedaris Yahtzee Croshaw

Additional quotes by Daniel Tosh

Before I get started tonight, sorry in advance if I offend anyone. It's not my job to know what your personal line of decency is. I cross my own from time to time. It's how I know I still have one.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

Leopards can carry twice their own weight up a tree... I don't have a joke for that yet. But when you walk out of here tonight, you can say, "Well, at least I learned something. That guy's like a fucking Snapple!"

[On looters stealing VCR's] Why are you stealing a VCR? They don't even make VHS tapes anymore! I'd steal a TiVo...but I don't, because I'm rich, and… - Daniel Tosh

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Additional quotes by Daniel Tosh