You know when you go into a bar and you want to wash your h… - Mitch Hedberg

" "
You know when you go into a bar and you want to wash your hands, so you go to the bathroom, and they don't have any hot water? You turn on the C knob, cold water comes out, you turn on the H knob, cold water comes out! It's like, fuck, you cheap bar! But I can accept that, but I just want to know what H stands for now! C obviously stands for "cold." H must stand for, "Ha Ha Dude! You thought this shit was hot, but it is not! Now go spread some germs!"

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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David Sedaris Steven Wright Jarod Kintz Dylan Moran Karl Pilkington

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later."
“I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later.

I hate dreaming. Because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know? Like, there I am, laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room. It’s beautiful. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

You know when you go into a bar and you want to wash your hands, so you go to the bathroom, and they don't have any hot water? You turn on the C knob… - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

Also Known As

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg