Anthony Shaffer Quotes

Christmas sits like a black hole on the calendar, and the other holidays implied by "happy holidays"—Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year's Day, etc.—are powerless to be drawn in by its force.

: Now, the shortest way to a man's heart is humiliation. You soon find out what he's made of.

: You were disparaging my lover. </br> : On the contrary, I was reminiscing about my wife. </br> : It comes to the same thing. </br> : Things mostly do, you know.

Celebrating Christmas without subscribing to Christianity is like watching the Super Bowl without having watched a single regular-season football game all year. Some people watch the Super Bowl exclusively for the commercials; others watch it for the halftime show.

: Supposing someone saw you climbing in? </br> : Who? You're not overlooked. </br> : Who knows? A dallying couple. A passing sheep rapist.

: You seem to regard marriage as a game, sir. </br> : Not marriage, Inspector. Sex. Sex is the game with marriage the penalty.

: You must be joking. </br> : You would know it if I were.

: You can take it from me that Tēa's an engaging little trollop, and she suits me mightily. Mind you, she takes a bit of keeping up with, it's a good thing I'm pretty much of an Olympic sexual athlete. </br> : I suppose these days you're concentrating on the sprints rather than on the long distance stuff. </br> : Not so, dear boy. I'm in the pink of condition. I could copulate for England at any distance. </br> : Well, they do say in Olympic circles, that the point is to take part, rather than to win, so I suppose there's hope for us all.

: So she's used to luxury. Whose fault is that? </br> : It's not a fault if you can afford it. But can you?

: You have to be serious if you want to be in love. </br> : You have to be serious about crime if you want to afford to be in love.

: I hear she's a scrubbed blonde with all the sex appeal of chilled Dettol. </br> : (with dignity) There are those who believe that cleanliness is next to sexiness.