Bill Watterson Quotes

I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.

Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy... Let's go exploring!

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers!
Calvin: I just don't test well.

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.

Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from?
Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears?
Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart - almost as good and a lot cheaper!

Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.

I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.

Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.
Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?
Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?

CALVIN:
Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.