Top 15 Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

A book is not supposed to be a mirror. It's supposed to be a door.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

My favorite animal is steak.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.