J. B. Morton Quotes

The man with the false nose had gone to that bourne from which no hollingsworth returns.

Rush hour: that hour when traffic is almost at a standstill.

Hush, hush,
Nobody cares! Has Fallen Down- Stairs.

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear.

The Doctor is said also to have invented an extraordinary weapon which will make war less brutal. It is described as a very powerful liquid which rots braces at a distance of a mile.

Erratum. In my article on the price of milk, 'horses' should have read 'cows' throughout.

Dr. Strabismus (Whom God Preserve) of Utrecht has patented a new invention. It is an illuminated trouser-clip for bicyclists who are using main roads at night.

Mr. Justice Cocklecarrot began the hearing of a very curious case yesterday. A Mrs. Tasker is accused of continually ringing the doorbell of a Mrs. Renton, and then, when the door is opened, pushing a dozen red-bearded dwarfs into the hall and leaving them there.