Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a gap. When you stub your toe on the foot of the bed, that was a gap in knowledge. And the pain is a lot of information really quick. That's what pain is.

Festivus for the Restivus!

A real artist -- a real artist -- does what they want to do. And that-- and I'm not talking about being indulgent; I'm talking about "That joke is good enough -- for me -- to make my set-- to be in my set."

I do have a bucket list. And I looked at the list, and then, I decided to turn the B [into] an F, and I was done with it.

My first bit that I thought "That's a real bit!" was about the tramway between Manhattan and Roosevelt Island. 1976: the city was going bankrupt. I go "Oh! That's great! They're putting up rides for us! Next thing, I guess they'll be putting up a rollercoaster through the ghetto!"

You can't be the one who decides why you like something. It doesn't matter!

How come every day there's exactly the right amount of news to fill the paper?

I would say that I am 90% serious in my day. Comedy is no joke.

That was the dominance of network television at that time. There was no competition. [Theirs] was the only game in town. A guy like me-- Could you ima-- I would never have gotten past my second set, today, before they would've grabbed me! Right? "Hey, this guy's pretty good!" "Just grab him! Let's do-- Somebody come up with somethin' for this kid!"

I always felt like I was very much a "hook"-less comedian, and that I would always be hook-less. And that-- I thought "Maybe that's my hook!" Y'know? That I just don't have anything that you latch onto as "He's the guy who does this" or "looks like this".

It was always heartbreaking. You could get [an idea] all the way to the edit... and it-- and it falls apart. You got it all that way and right before it's in the-- just as it goes in the show, you go "That's not the right angle... and it's not funny at all now." And even though you had it all that way, and then, just at the last moment, you just "Oh! You dropped the egg!" Splat.

Nobody cares about someone like me, because they don't know the frustration that you feel when you have the solution, but you do not have the problem.

I felt as a child that i related more to blue than my own name. I have a very powerful connection with that color. And it's always been extremely important to me. It's weird, I don't understand it myself, but there's certain blues - Jeep Wrangler makes a blue that will make me stop walking on the sidewalk, and just turn and stare at it.

There is no such thing as love for the whole family.

The comedian studies himself; the actor studies other people. The comedian wants to be himself; the actor wants to be anyone but themselves.