Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

American comedian and actor

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. He is best known for playing a semi-fictionalized version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. The show aired on NBC from 1989 until 1998, becoming one of the most acclaimed and popular American sitcoms of all time. As a stand-up comedian, Seinfeld specializes in observational comedy.

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Alternative Names: Cable Boy • Jerome Allen Seinfeld • Mr. Steinfeld

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There's always this thing with "Well, he's no Richard Pryor!" Y'know? And I always, y'know, would apologize for not being raised by prostitutes in a whorehouse. It was just-- there was just very little I could do about it! And I try to overcome it as best I can.

All dads dress in the style of the last good year of their lives.

When I think of the things that I love: more than money, more than love, more than... just about anything, I love energy. I love it. And I pursue it.

I don't understand women at all.
Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.

Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.

I have often wondered if there's a way to teach being funny or comedy, and George Stephanopoulos actually got me wound up enough at one point that we were going to contact, I think his name was Lee Bollinger, the president of Columbia, and we were gonna go in there, and I was going to teach a course on comedy. Because I know a lot about it, but I just don't know if it's teachable.

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

When you hear a curse word in the last line of [a comedian's] bit... that's when you know: "not solved." (laughs) "That puzzle was not solved."

If you can walk to work or take your bike on a daily basis, I think that's just about the coolest thing that there is. Every morning I listen to the traffic [report] on the radio, and they talk about how they are jammed and I just laugh.

God has no rhyme or reason to who he gives a sense of humor to.

Twenty minutes is not comedy. An hour, an hour and fifteen minutes: that's comedy, y'know? You learn how to open, how to sustain, how to pace.

Nobody cares about someone like me, because they don't know the frustration that you feel when you have the solution, but you do not have the problem.

I'll tell you, you get into a hot tub with three or four really old men, this is not the cover of the Club Med brochure. They get out of the tub, it looks like an ad for gravity.

I find things that you've thought of, but don't-- that you're aware of, but haven't really analyzed. And that's the whole act!

Inexplicable malevolence was our favorite thing [on Seinfeld]. There's no reason-- There was never a reason I didn't like Newman; there was no reason. "We just think it's better to hate this guy."