Judith Martin Quotes

There is no known correct way to eat pistachio nuts. Nevertheless, they are delicious. The pistachio nut must therefore be Nature’s way of teaching us self-control. If so, it doesn’t work.

Why, you look marvelous! I don’t know what it is, but you look fabulous.” D

It was generally believed that what people needed to get along was love and communication skills. Even business colleagues were thought to work better if they spoke their minds and really got to know one another personally, from which affection would follow — only not too much affection, because that might be illegal.

Without such rules, there are no exchanges of ideas, only exchanges of set positions and insults. People who disagree rapidly move from talking over one another to shouting one another down, and from expressing their opinions on the matter at hand to expressing their opinions of the intelligence and morality of those who disagree with them.

One can become quite proficient at this amiable patter; the trick is to omit the instructive parts when attending formal dinner parties outside the house.

Americans used to pity and be amused at countries where the citizens all wore drab work clothes and the leaders were belligerently under-dressed for state occasions; now those people have discovered fashion, and we wear drab work clothes and are suspicious of formality.

Your answer to when you will be available should be “You’re so kind to invite us, and we wish we could name a date, but it will have to be after we figure out how to manage seeing relatives and friends whom we feel we have neglected.

to lure friends by offering them hospitality — the defining characteristic of which is generosity — when one is collecting money for their presence and their buying power is a scam.

than many that are of no perceptible use whatever.

Oh, I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t.” “I’d love to, but I’m afraid it’s impossible.” “Unfortunately, I can’t, but I hope you can find someone.” It

How do you do?” depending on the formality of the occasion, and whether you can count on the other person to understand that the answer to “How do you do?” is “How do you do?” even though that makes two questions in a row. (Etiquette opposes any declaration of being pleased to meet someone on the cynical grounds that it may not turn out to be a pleasure.) The

The polite thing would be to say to the noisy person, “I beg your pardon, but I can’t hear the music. I wonder if you would mind talking more softly?” By the time you have said all this, a third party will utter a loud shush, thereby accomplishing your purpose without sacrificing your manners.

while eighteen-button gloves have three small pearl buttons each at the musketeer (which everyone knows is the opening at the wrist), there are, indeed, eighteen buttons on each in length. That button is a standard of measurement of approximately one inch. The approximate part is because it is a French standard of measurement.

However, if you accept the actual invitation, no other appointment — unless with a surgeon or an undertaker — can take precedence.

There is nothing to bring people together like a common grievance accompanied by refreshments.