Lily Tomlin

We're all in this together – by ourselves.

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today, especially with the advent of political incorrectness, which is a license to be as ridiculing and awful about certain groups... There should be room for everybody, absolutely, and then the culture is going to decide the prevailing weight. We can't decide it individually. Nobody is here without a reason. … I always had a different sensibility. I like a huge range of comedy — from broad and farcical, the most sensitive, the most understated — but I always wanted my comedy to be more embracing of the species rather than debasing of it.

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

I respect her talent and her brain and who she is as a person — and that kind of admiration and respect is a big factor in binding someone in a relationship. I know what a good heart she has, and how empathetic she is with all kinds of people and issues — she's so brilliant on top of it that she can voice these things. And she's as funny as she can possibly be. She makes me laugh.

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

People think there's some real subversive thing playing against whoever it is; a lot of it is just people who want to go along and get along. And they also want to make money. And the bottom line is, they're going to put out as much stuff as they can — stupid, banal stuff that makes money.

Even when you win the rat race , you're still a rat .

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than "survival of the fittest." I think a better idea would be "survival of the wittiest." At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was.

If the formula for water is H₂O, is the formula for an ice cube H₂O squared?

Reality is the leading cause of stress.

The road to success is always under construction

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.