Lily Tomlin Quotes

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

The road to success is always under construction

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

People think there's some real subversive thing playing against whoever it is; a lot of it is just people who want to go along and get along. And they also want to make money. And the bottom line is, they're going to put out as much stuff as they can — stupid, banal stuff that makes money.

I swear people don't want sex so much as they want somebody who'll listen to 'em … the first thing you learn after fellatio is how to listen.

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer. We're aware of sexual harassment, and of course, there are very few companies that have daycare centers, which seems to me would be the most humane, positive thing to do for a worker. The worker would be more loyal, they'd be more productive. It's so crazy not to do the human thing. It seems to me to be much more profitable to do the human thing. It just makes a better society.

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then — we elected them.

And that's the truth!

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.