Nicole Hollander Quotes

(Television) There's a special feeling about being a woman. You do so much for everyone around you. But some days (Sylvia) You realize you've been had.

(Man on television) Rita, you must believe me, alien beings are among us. (Sylvia) Yeah, in public office.

(Sylvia at typewriter) A lady never offers a new lover a complimentary tooth brush, razor and sewing kit the next morning.

(Woman psychic to woman client) So how come the tall, dark, handsome stranger I see in your future is a woman?

(Sylvia at typewriter) What is Newt Gingrich's Real Name? 1) Newton Minnow 2) Fig Newton 3) Isaac Newton 4) Wayne Newton

(Sylvia at typewriter) On Getting Old in America. By Sylvia. Page One. 1. Best to do it somewhere else.

(Sylvia to her daughter) Rita, your body may be a temple. Mine is a Chevy Vega.

(Man in bar) The kind of woman I want just isn't around anymore. (Sylvia) Perhaps if you wait for a full moon.

(Cat in bed) The Shedd Aquarium in Chicago recently identified a new species of fish...virtually extinct in the wild, and they haven't even named it yet. I dreamt I ate it.

(Voice on television) Honey, I love you, but I got to be moving on. (Sylvia) Break his kneecaps.

(Sylvia) You almost never see a real lady popping out of a cake.

(Woman on television) Frank, Frank, make me feel like a woman. (Man on television) Could you pick up my laundry?

(Sign) Mid-year resolutions of the barely under-control. (Woman at desk) <del> I will try to be more understanding of others. I will try to be more patient when dealing with the incompetent people that surround me. </del> I will not slap anyone first thing in the morning. (Sign on desk) The buck stops before it gets here. (p. 78)

(Man on television) The investment firm of Smith Barney: they make money the old-fashioned way--they earn it. (Sylvia) Right. The rest of us pick it off trees in the backyard.

(Sylvia to Venusian Gernif): What would happen if you wore a dress? Well, some people would invite you to parties. And some people would attempt to beat you to death.