Nicole Hollander Quotes

(Sylvia) A mature person doesn’t scream at her waiter: “Don’t tell me your name and don’t put anything freshly ground on my salad!” (p. 69)

(Television news announcer) The Senate passed a bill today that would outlaw abortion unless the doctor's life is in danger. **(p. 30)

(Television) Spray and wash gets out what America gets into. (Sylvia) Send some to El Salvador.

(Cat in bed) The Shedd Aquarium in Chicago recently identified a new species of fish...virtually extinct in the wild, and they haven't even named it yet. I dreamt I ate it.

(Man in suit to Indian woman) Oh guru, ancient mother of the world, we men have been crippled. We have never learned how to feel; we don't even know how to cry. Oh my wise guru, can you teach me to cry? (Guru) Sure. No problem. Tomorrow I'll start you at a dead-end job, pay you at women's wages and then I'll throw in sole support of a pre-school child.

(Doctor in bed) I dreamt I died and went to Heaven and they handed me some old Ms. magazines, a paper sheet, and made me sit in a little room with a bunch of other doctors.

(Wicked witch hexing babies) Women of future generations will have undreamt of career opportunities. You two will use yours to despoil the environment.

(Television) A recent study concludes that women over 40 have statistically as much chance of getting killed by a terrorist as of getting married. (Sylvia) And would rather.

(Sylvia) Where do you stand? . . . .Do you think that people who like cake should be allowed to serve in combat positions? (p. 74)

(Man in bar) I have the right to bear arms. It's in the Constitution. (Sylvia) I'm in complete agreement. I'd like to see a lot more women carry guns. [Pause] Cat got your tongue?

(Sylvia at typewriter) I feel much lighter now that I've given up my civil liberties. I recommend it to everyone! (p. 94)

(Television) With men or boys at home, your bathroom needs cleaning every day. (Sylvia) Not if you bolt the door. (p. 75)

(Sylvia to character in book she is reading, Death by) Get out of that tub! Get in your car and get out of there! (Character) Suddenly I felt compelled to get out of that tub and out of that motel. I dressed and hopped in my car. Later I stopped for gas, and met a great guy. We got married and raise cocker spaniels.

(Woman sitting by swimming pool) To me the most important quality in a kitchen is that it be in someone else's house, or in a restaurant.

(Woman psychic to woman client) So how come the tall, dark, handsome stranger I see in your future is a woman?