Ogden Nash Quotes

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

Abracadabra, thus we learn, The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, The less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul should take If the tax collector hasn't got it before I wake.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Candy Is Dandy But liquor Is quicker.

Senator Smoot is an institute Not to be bribed with pelf; He guards our homes from erotic tomes By reading them all himself.

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

Very Like a Whale

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Sure deck your lower limbs in pants; Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance– Have you seen yourself retreating?

And I also say Pooh for sweetness and light, And if you want to get the most out of life, why the thing to do is to be a gossiper by day and gossipee by night.

Parsley is gharsley.

O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,
For I wish to be purged of an urge.
It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,
And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.

Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."

People expect old men to die,
They do not really mourn old men.
Old men are different. People look
At them with eyes that wonder when…
People watch with unshocked eyes;
But the old men know when an old man dies.

She took those pills from the pill concocter,
And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.