Oscar Levant Quotes

First I brush my teeth and then I sharpen my tongue.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.

On Ira Gershwin:
I remember when he was given the manuscript of a novel written by a woman friend who had hopes of having it published. To his astonishment it turned out to be the dirtiest, most pornographic book he had ever read. When the lady mentioned that she intended to use a nom de plume, Ira suggested she call herself Henrietta Miller.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

It's not a pretty face, I grant you. But underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

I've changed, I'm nice to people and I'm not so self-centered. What I'm trying to do now is think of the other person. The only trouble is, I've found that the other person thinks only of himself.

I envy people who drink — at least they know what to blame everything on.

I’ve stepped on too many toes on the way down.

Ballet is the faeries' baseball

When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

I had always resented sleep as an intrusion on my nocturnal self-pity

It's not who you are, it's what you don't become that hurts the most.