Richard Pryor Quotes

Crosses only scare vampires away because they're allergic to bullshit.

I don't want to go through life as a Wonder Wheel murderer!

Do you know how you felt when you would lean all the way back in a chair, and just before you were about to tip over, at the very last second, you'd catch yourself ? That's how I feel all the time.

There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.

I'd like to die like my father died... My father died fucking. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.

Mudbone: See I’ve lived through hard times before. People talk about these as hard times. Hard times was way back. They didn’t even have a year for it. Just called it “Hard Times.” It was dark all the time. I think the sun came out on Wednesday. And it you didn’t have your ass up early. You missed it. So I happened to be out there one Wednesday… and the sun hit me right in the face. I grabbed a bunch of it and rubbed it all over myself.

I expected Dracula to come jumping out any second. If he did I'd have held up a cross, cause he's allergic to bullshit.

When that fire hit your ass, it will sober your ass up quick! I saw something, I went, "Well, that's a pretty blue. You know what? That looks like... FIRE! Fire is inspirational. They should use it in the Olympics, because I ran the 100 in 4.3.

You can't talk about fucking in America, people say you're dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that's cool.

Sick of hearing this shit about me not talking... not true... good days, bad days... but I still am a talkin motherfucker!

I went to penitentiary one time, not me personally, but me and Gene went there for a movie. "Arizona State Penitentiary" Population: 80 percent black people. But there are no black people in Arizona, they have to bus motherfuckers in!

Have you ever noticed how quiet you get when you go in the woods? It's almost like you know that God's there.

Who you gonna believe, bitch? Me? or your lying eyes?

Let me tell you what really happened... Every night before I go to bed, I have milk and cookies. One night I mixed some low-fat milk and some pasteurized, then I dipped my cookie in and the shit blew up.

You gotta be cool when you're macho man, cuz you can't be sensitive and care about someone having a good time in bed, cuz that's too scary... When you don't use sensitivity when you're having sex, or share some of your soul, nothing gonna happen, because men really get afraid. Men really get scared in bed.