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Grad school was a surprise. I had no idea I'd be given a week to read four books at a time. No one warned me that I would be required to write 10- to 25-page papers plus a two-page paper for each class while simultaneously working on my master's thesis. For nearly two years. I saw my wife and son mostly on weekends.

Three things make up who we are as individuals: what we think, what we feel, and what we do. If we manage to change any one of these three aspects of ourselves, the other two will follow.

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"There is an unspoken agreement in every successful relationship: "I'm not perfect and you're not perfect. I can ignore your imperfections if you can ignore mine. I choose to spend my life in your company.

But they are experts at using their victim's need for attention and affection to manipulate them. It's important to understand that, while abusers are incapable of loving others, they're incapable of loving themselves, also. Abusers need to feel superior. They will obsessively find fault, teach, correct and criticize.

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