Sarah Silverman Quotes

American comedian, actress, and writer

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Sarah Kate Silverman (born 1 December 1970) is an American comedian, actress, and writer. Her comedy addresses social taboos and controversial topics, including racism, sexism, homophobia, politics, and religion, sometimes having her comic character endorse them in a satirical or deadpan fashion. She has won two Primetime Emmy Awards for her work on television.

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Birth Name: Sarah Kate Silverman

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I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, [in a gruff male voice] "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but [flattered smile] he was talking about me!

I dated a guy who was half-black, but he dumped me because I'm such a loser. Wow, I shouldn't say things like that. I'm such a pessimist … he's actually half-white.

The writers of Sanford and Son were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!

The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s … well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews.

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am – I'm white!

I don't care. Good! I hope the Jews did kill Christ. I'd do it again! I'd fucking do it again in a second.

When that Jesus movie came out, Jews didn't want people to see it. Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it up on the Romans. I am one of the few people that believe it was the blacks!

Jesus is magic, you know, because he turned water to wine, and, um … he, um … I think he made the Statue of Liberty disappear in the 80's.

The only time it's an issue, I suppose, would be like if you're having a baby and you've got to figure out how you want to raise it. Which still wouldn't be an issue for us, because we'd be … honest, and just say, you know, like, "Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!"

I wear this Saint Christopher medal sometimes, because – I'm Jewish, but my boyfriend is Catholic. It was cute, the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn't burn through my skin, it will protect me. Who cares? Different religions.

Hey, is it considered molestation if the child makes the first move? I'm gonna need a quick answer on this.

People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.

This song brings me back … I was brutally raped to this song.

Wow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing … have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!