"Sometimes I want to clean up my desk and go out and say, “Respect me; I’m a respectable grown-up!" and other times I just want to jump into a paper bag and shake and bake myself to death.

KATE: “At fourteen months little girls’ fingers and pacifiers are introduced into the vagina, and at fifteen months a girl baby has been known to fall asleep with her genitalia on her teddy bear. Finally, at sixteen months they start using a pencil.”
SAMANTHA: Don’t little boys use pencils?
HOLLY: No. They write with their cocks.

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In the world of The Age of Innocence, a financial disaster or moral scandal would permanently exile a guest from the finest dinner tables. In contemporary New York, a mere change of fashion can eliminate a place setting; therefore, the need to maintain a rigidity not of morals, but of taste, seems all the more desperate.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

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Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.