Ruth Rudner Quotes

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married adn I didn't want him to.

When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always

The airline oxygen masks don't really help you. They're just there to muffle the screams.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' on what? On fire?

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

My mother buried three husbands...and two of them were only napping.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go.