Ruth Rudner Quotes

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

The airline oxygen masks don't really help you. They're just there to muffle the screams.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all
respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

My mother buried three husbands...and two of them were only napping.

I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go.

I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.