I want to get some goat cheese balls really bad. - Stassi Schroeder

I normally would’ve literally ran across that float with daggers, and not only stabbed you both, like, 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, and quartered your bodies, and dragged them through the city of West L.A. on a disgusting truck.

That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I've ever seen in my entire life.

Scheana, You weren't dying. You were in the dentist's office.