Stassi Schroeder Quotes

Sometimes life gives you a really good gift. Like knowing scheana wore a crop top to her wedding.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Go fuck yourself and die.

Schwartz is like half weasel, half vagina.

Jax shouldn't feel bad about being a sociopath. I mean Tom Sandoval is probably a narcissist. Kristen meets most of the criteria for borderline personality disorder. Ariana has a superiority complex. Katie has anger management issues. Scheana's a hypochondriac. I'm a alcoholic, so he's in good company.

I am so good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit.

It's my dream to have three glasses of wine in front of me at all times.

I am the Devil, and don't you forget it.

[To Jax Taylor] Well, Don't swim away like a moody mermaid.

If being good at sex can get you a Rolls Royce, I must really not be good at sex.

Everyone’s acting like it’s their own private chef back there. You’re in a restaurant, we have a set menu, just pick something and shut the fuck up.

You were in the dentist's office. You got a lollipop and a toothbrush when it was over.

The only thing that I have holding me back right now is that I have self respect and dignity. Thank god for Kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.

and if i'm gonna be honest I'm really fucked up on adderall and tequila

I am going to crucify her. I'm going to destroy her life. You have no idea.

Oh, and can I have a side of balsamic vinegar? I like eating that with pizza. Top five condiments for pizza, in order. Number one going to be a mixture of sriracha and ranch. Number two is just plain ranch. Number three is balsamic. Number four, plain hot sauce.