Stassi Schroeder Quotes

She is a ass sucker. Sorry. And she's sucking on your ass right now.

I wish I was there last night because I’ve always wanted a severed human head on a spike in my apartment and this was the perfect opportunity to get it.

Schwartz is like half weasel, half vagina.

Did Scheana just flip flop on flip flopping?

You were in the dentist's office. You got a lollipop and a toothbrush when it was over.

It’s my birthday, so go fuck yourself.

I am so good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit.

that, like, I prefer to be a dictator and not part of a democracy.

It's like the devil just shit me out into this weird, like, Mars planet where there's palm trees and old people

When I die, I want to be taxidermied and then at my wake, I'm gonna have a glass of wine in my hand and people can come in a photo booth and take of photos with me

If being good at sex can get you a Rolls Royce, I must really not be good at sex.

The only thing that I have holding me back right now is that I have self respect and dignity. Thank god for Kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.

Jax shouldn't feel bad about being a sociopath. I mean Tom Sandoval is probably a narcissist. Kristen meets most of the criteria for borderline personality disorder. Ariana has a superiority complex. Katie has anger management issues. Scheana's a hypochondriac. I'm a alcoholic, so he's in good company.

Scheana's acting like we're close friends and she's telling me all this as if I actually give a fuck.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. Go fuck yourself and die.