Stassi Schroeder Quotes

and if i'm gonna be honest I'm really fucked up on adderall and tequila

That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I've ever seen in my entire life.

I normally would’ve literally ran across that float with daggers, and not only stabbed you both, like, 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, and quartered your bodies, and dragged them through the city of West L.A. on a disgusting truck.

I want to get some goat cheese balls really bad.

She is a ass sucker. Sorry. And she's sucking on your ass right now.

What? I like sneaking wine in places. I mean, If someone's gonna pick a lunch spot That doesn't serve wine, sorry.

Sometimes life gives you a really good gift. Like knowing scheana wore a crop top to her wedding.

The only thing that I have holding me back right now is that I have self respect and dignity. Thank god for Kristen, who is unburdened by those anchors.

It’s my birthday, so go fuck yourself.

I'm afraid that she's gonna ask me advice on how to dispose of Ariana's body. I mean, sodium hydroxide and a plastic bin. Google it. But leave me out of it.

Scheana, You weren't dying. You were in the dentist's office.

When I die, I want to be taxidermied and then at my wake, I'm gonna have a glass of wine in my hand and people can come in a photo booth and take of photos with me

[To Jax Taylor] Just because you wear sweaters doesn’t mean you know how to design them … Do you know how annoying it is to hear about your sweater line? Don't bring up your effing sweater line

I am so good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit.

Oh, My God, Scheana looks like two butterflies landed on her eyelashes and shit a Crayon.