Stassi Schroeder Quotes

If being good at sex can get you a Rolls Royce, I must really not be good at sex.

All of you people, You all get to be in Cabo because I was born today.

which is I don't like working with other fucking people. That might make me selfish. Fine, then I'm selfish.

I normally would’ve literally ran across that float with daggers, and not only stabbed you both, like, 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, and quartered your bodies, and dragged them through the city of West L.A. on a disgusting truck.

Like, I would have it at fucking TGI Fridays. I would have done it somewhere with good ranch.

[To Jax Taylor] Well, Don't swim away like a moody mermaid.

Like, He should probably be stoned to death.

I wish I was there last night because I’ve always wanted a severed human head on a spike in my apartment and this was the perfect opportunity to get it.

I mean, I'm not really what I've done to you, But I'll take a Pinot Grigio.

It's like the devil just shit me out into this weird, like, Mars planet where there's palm trees and old people

Oh, and can I have a side of balsamic vinegar? I like eating that with pizza. Top five condiments for pizza, in order. Number one going to be a mixture of sriracha and ranch. Number two is just plain ranch. Number three is balsamic. Number four, plain hot sauce.

Scheana looks like a cross between a Gypsy and one of those American Girl dolls. So long, Scheana. So Long Scheana's Eyelashes. So long, Scheana's Turban. So long, Scheana's Unitards.

Scheana, You weren't dying. You were in the dentist's office.

and I want some fried goat cheese balls.

I’d rather light one of my arms on fire than go to something as boring as a puppy shower.