You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke....

Here's the other big secret of comedy: the audience writes most of it. You kind of give them what you think is funny, and they "grade" your work, second to second. [...] "Good word", "bad word".

There’s only one true test of a comedy, and that’s outright laughter. I don’t care how beautiful the lighting is, how superlative the script is, how wonderful the performances are. If you’re making a comedy and the audience isn’t falling down, holding their bellies, screaming with laughter, you’ve probably got a failure. First laughter and then everything else.

Who knows what's funny?

There's this little thing of "I want to say this" and "I want to be funny". And that little balance: if it's a little-- if it's one inch above -- (raises one hand) "I really want to say this" and (lowers other hand) "It's not that funny" -- (snaps fingers) the audience will just-- they will recoil instantly. It's like "You're preaching", or "You're trying to make some stupid point". Y'know? And they just-- (recoils) But if it's always "This is really funny and it says something", then you're okay.

To me, my approach is the most sensible. You're a comic. Therefore you want to get laughs. How do you get the most laughs in an hour? Tell short jokes. And don't say boom boom at the end. Just let the audience laugh then tell another joke. It's the shortest route to where you want to go.

What I fear most is that you will know where the laughs are going to come, or that you will know a character so well that you know when they're going to sing a song. In some shows, you just know that the audience is sitting there going "Oh no, she's going to sing."

But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow.

I always say to young people, you can have the best script, be the funniest man, but if they don't laugh — you're not a comedian.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

There is no way of being almost funny or mildly funny or fairly funny or tolerably funny. You are either funny or not funny and there is nothing in between. And usually it is the writer who thinks he is funny and the reader who thinks he isn't.

That's the first thing an audience wants to feel when someone gets up on a stage: "Does this person know what they're doing?" "'Cause if they do, then I can relax." And when you're trying to elicit laughter, that's-- they have to be relaxed. If they're worried about you, the laughs are harder to get.

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.