No one goes to the toilet in novels. You'd think none of us had bladders.

The people you step over when you come out of the opera.

The audience is requested not to refrain from talking during the overture. Otherwise they will know all the tunes before the opera begins.

Those who do not find a fountain through which to pour their tears, do not cry.

No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.

Opera is when a tenor and soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone

In short, if the Muse exists, she does not whisper to the untalented.

We don't piss in your ashtrays,
So please don't throw cigarettes in our urinals.

I never cleaned my toilet.

It's a wonderful, wonderful opera, except that it hurts.

No one was allowed to leave the theatre during his recitals, however pressing the reason. We read of women in the audience giving birth, and of men being so bored with listening and applauding that they furtively dropped down from the wall at the rear, since the gates were kept barred, or shammed dead and were carried away for burial.

I don’t say 'who'. I do say 'whom'.
I never use the toilet, just the smallest room.
I don't say gay. I still say queer.
I think that Mussolini had the right idea.

Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals because nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.

Crackpot Hall has eleven thousand rooms, but only one potty.